January is known for its stink bombs, and one of the stinkiest was released today in 2005: Alone in the Dark, Uwe Boll’s “adaptation” of the survival horror video game, landed with a wet greasy thud all over the careers of stars Christian Slater, Tara Reid and Stephen Dorff. If you can get past the expository opening crawl without laughing your ass off, you’re stronger than most, and to actually make it to the end is to understand why mention of Boll makes even the most forgiving cinephile start shrieking like a Brazilian hairdresser.
That’s all we got today folks. There were other releases, but the stink on them is just a tad better than this one, and I’m not sure I’m willing to dignify them with a mention. Tomorrow will be better: we’re summoning help from Clouzot.